41 – Should I stay or should I go?

I have been at the Vlierhof now for three weeks and it feels like home to me. It’s not the paradise on earth, even (or especially?) in a community like this it feels like a boiling pot of emotions sometimes and energies are running really freely here.

I had many thoughts going around in my head the last day and yesterday it felt like I don’t need to think about it anymore. Actually, the title is pretty much the summary of my thoughts: Should I stay or should I go? And the day before yesterday I decided to stay, after two days of walking to Nijmegen and back here. It felt really great, being back on the road, even if only for those days. I could feel the freedom I felt when staying at Jo’s place again. I finished a poem that weekend that expresses my emotions and thoughts about the last weeks a little, I will publish it somewhere here.

After I made the decision I had to wait until yesterday to make a proposal to the group for staying here. I couldn’t sleep almost the whole night before the proposal, my head kept spinning around the thoughts I had on my decision. Is it good for me? Will I still feel home here after some time? I had to concentrate to come back to a state of calmness and trust in me and the world around me. So the day of the proposal was kinda hard.

And… I am allowed to stay here for another 3 months! I am very happy!
So if anybody wants to visit me here, see how I am doing, feel free to give me a call, message or whatever, I’d be happy to see some familiar faces from before my journey.

With happiness and good feelings

P.S.: This post is actually a week old, but because there were problems with the internet here and I thought, it was published already, it took so long to publish it. Mea culpa!

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